[	mood	|	calm	]
[	music	|	I'll Be	]

Wow.  I experienced the best thing of my life ever over the last week.  I was a counselor at the MDA summer camp, located at Camp Cheerful, in Strongsville.  It was the most amazing thing I've ever done.  In case you don't know what it is, MDA stands for Muscular Dystrophy Association.  Every kid at the camp had one of 40 muscular deteriorating diseases.  Let me tell you, those kids were incredible.  That week was all about them.  They laughed, danced (yeah Lauren), sang, played, and had a good time.  They got to be "normal" kids for that week.  And it was an incredible experience for me.  I can't wait for next year.  I met so many people, so many incredible people.  Friends that won't ever falter.   I won't forget any of them.  I guess that I really learned about me.  I'm so lucky.  I can get up in the morning, get dressed by myself, eat, go to the bathroom, and WALK.  I can move on my own.  Those kids can't.  They live their lives to the fullest.  They are so incredible.  They are the real heroes in this world.  Not a single one of the campers that I met deserved that disease, and yet they still go on.  They are the people that changed my life forever.  And I will never be the same.

Remember, Three Words at Camp:   Peanut Butter & Salad!!!!

Some fun phrases from camp:              "Dude, Where's my camper, Yo!?!?!!?"

                                                                  "Pimp my Scooter!!!"

And Grace's new nick-name               The Last Lost Monkey Piranha!!! 

To all of the campers and counselors, keep in touch,  Iwill.

[	mood	|	peaceful	]
[	music	|	Fields of Gold-Sting	]

You'll forget the sun in his jealous sky, and we walk in fields of gold.

I never made promises lightly, And there have been some that I've broken, But I swear on the days still left, We'll walk in fields of gold.

So I've found this totally great author with these totally great quotes.  His name is Orson Scott Card, and his quotes are about life, and they make so much sense to me.  Here are some of his best..actually a whole bunch of his best...

The opposite. I love only life. But life can only continue in the face of death.

The great forces of history were real, after a fashion. But when you examined them closely, those great forces always came down to the dreams and hungers and judgments of individuals. The choices they made were real. They mattered.

Everybody dies. What matters is what you do between now and when it happens to you.

All the stories are fictions. What matters is which fiction you believe.

Isn't that the sweetest little well-balanced undergraduate-level philosophy of life?

Knowledge is just opinion that you trust enough to act upon.

I am your enemy, the first one you've ever had who was smarter than you. There is no teacher but the enemy. No one but the enemy will ever tell you what the enemy is going to do. No one but the enemy will ever teach you how to destroy and conquer. Only the enemy shows you where you are weak. Only the enemy tells you where he is strong. And the rules of the game are what you can do to him and what you can stop him from doing to you. I am your enemy from now on. From now on, I am your teacher.

I've lived too long with pain. I won't know who I am without it.

You're only so sure you're right because they're so sure you're wrong.

Everything possible to be believed is an image of the truth

Love is random; fear is inevitable.

The wise are not wise because they make no mistakes. They are wise because they correct their mistakes as soon as they recognize them.

Perhaps it's impossible to wear an identity without becoming what you pretend to be.

Good people can't out-think evil, cause evil thinks of things good folks can't think of.

Like running the hurdles. Work so hard, jump over every one, fast, high enough but no higher, because you can't afford to hang in the air. And then, when the race is over, you're dripping with sweat, either they beat you or you beat them ... and then a couple of guys come out and move the hurdles out of the way. Turns out they were nothing. All that work to jump over them, but now they're gone.

Things have mad me mad before, but nothing has ever left me this disgusted or angry with anyone.  Jerry Hobbs, I don't know if you know him, but he's the dad that admitted to killing the two little girls on Mother's Day.  I have so much rage and disgust for this man, I can't wait to find out that he's gonna die for what he did to them.  They were so innocent, so little, he deserves death.  It just makes me sick that someone would do that, and he was one of the little girl's father.  It just makes me want to throw up.

So Laura Hobbs and Krystal Tobias, may you rest in peace.  You were best friends in life, and even death could not seperate you.  You are now free to play tag forever, but here on earth, we'll pray for you.  You will be in my prayers, as will your families.  Rest in Peace.

[	mood	|	numb	]
[	music	|	full of grace	]

recovering from a shock, i turn to the east and to the west, the rising and setting sun, the place where the heavenly being sits durring the day, giving warmth and light.  and as i turn to the west, i can't wait to watch it set into the sky, to fall into the earth, and then the stars will appear, and play tag around the watchful gaze of the imperial moon, sitting on it's throne, crowned by the stars, and worshiped by the constallations who sit as guards of the heavans.  then my roof will be occupied with me upon it, sitting and gazing, and wishing that i was somewhere else, like with my friends having coffee, or at the pool swimming laps, or at school, waiting for drama or watching godspell, and i find myself crying to the stars, wishing that i could be what i want to be, and do what i want to do, and say what i want to say, and they will sit and laugh, because they know that they are truly free to run in the heavans, and i am bound to the earth.  and the royal moon will sit and watch me, and it too will cry, and then the stars will fall and the sky will be empty except for the lonely moon.  the imperial moon, filled with its wonder and mystery, but i think i know why the wolf cries out to it, and like the lonely wolf, i too will cry.  and then i will be answered, and the moon will beckon me with its brightness, and then i realize that i can't go to it, i am once again earthbound, and it too will disappear.  and then the lonely wolf will cry to the empty velvet sky, alone, and i will cry to the empty dark sky, and we will be joined as one, in a bond that cannot be broken, because two lonely souls are always connected as one.

[	mood	|	peaceful	]
[	music	|	one thing	]

wow, i still can't believe that the pope is dead.  it's such a tragedy to lose such a great man.  i have shed so many tears over him, and i didn't even know the guy in real life, sure, in faith we were connected, but here on earth, he was thousands of miles away.  and yet, i feel relieved that he was the pope for the beginning of my life, youth was so important to him.  and now, he is with the Creator, the pope is so lucky, he got a straight shot right up there.  and now, i fear the new pope.  i don't know why, but i think deep down, he will never be as good as john paul ii.

and now, i am craving godspell again.  i miss it so much, and while it seems like everybody is moving on, i know deep down, they're hurting from the loss still.  everybody hurts, and i can't believe that it is still over.  i crave one more show, just one, with the lights up full and bright, and the leads singing out their souls, and the smiles and the inside jokes, and the feeling of being important, of being wanted.  godspell was my savior in lack of better terms, and i'm not talking of the actual show.  the people that i was surrounded with are incredible.  for the first time in my life, i felt that there was a connection with them.  they were the people who i never would have ever talked to in the hallways, the people who i was too nervous to approach because they were so much better than me, the people who i never even knew.  and then BAM they were there being the shoulders to cry on, the people always listening to me, the people who have their phones on at 2am waiting for my call to see that i'm alright, the people who always had advice to offer.  gosh, do i miss those people.  i mean sure, i still see them, and of course i talk to them, but it won't be the same.  but i know that everybody who was involved in godspell in one way or another, will always be connected to eachother, and in ten years, we're gonna see eachother again, and it's gonna be like hey, singing the songs again, and wanting to do it again, and i can gaurentee, that if have my say in life, we're gonna do it one more time, somehow, some way.

life throws you curve balls all the time, and sometimes, you've got two strikes, but you still gotta swing for the fence, sometimes you strike out, sometimes you fly out, or hit singles or doubles, but sometimes you hit the homer, and it's those times that keep you going, and for me, and probably everybody involved with it, godspell was one of those homers.  thank you to all that made it possible, and who kept me going, you know who you are.

fare thee well until the next time